LESSONS MY SINGLE MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

I remember being a kid and having a friend of mine who had spent the day with me ask, “Why do you tell your mom you love her so much?” I can still remember answering “because I do, and I want her to always remember it.” It was a sweet moment, one in which my mom had a big smile on her face. However I can also vividly remember standing in the kitchen as a teenager in the middle of a heated argument saying, “I pray at night that I don’t become the mother you are.” That was an awful moment and a terrible thing to say. I didn’t even stay to see the words take effect. I raced off to my room in a huff. I’m not even sure to this day what our argument was about. We fought quite a bit. She yelled a lot. We were both passionate. She was a single mom.

Now that I’m a mom, and mine is no longer living, I can see those moments that I thought were so hard and unfair from a totally different perspective. The lines of a great country song run through my head, “sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers!” Even through all our disagreements, my mom taught me many lessons about motherhood that I now fervently pray that I can and will continue to live out.

1. It’s OK to take time for yourself

I used to get so mad when my mom would go into the bathroom. She’d stay in there a long time, and she wouldn’t let me talk to her until she came out. I now realize that as a single mom, that was just about her only time to herself! She worked all day, came home to the “job” of mom all night, then started all over again the next day. The few, brief moments I get throughout the day in the solitude of my own bathroom are rare, and now I find that I am the one asking for privacy. Usually little fists start knocking as the boys are asking me questions and telling me all the things I am missing in the couple seconds that have transpired since I’ve entered the bathroom. Little fingers and toes are wedged under the crack of the door as they impatiently wait for me to come out. I don’t always insist that my kids wait to talk to me until I’m done, but I do make it a point to have alone time when I can. And let’s face it, as busy moms, sometimes the bathroom IS the only place for that!

2. SHOWING Your Love Goes A L-o-n-g Way

She was stressed, she often yelled, we did fight, but she always told me she loved me. She always told me how beautiful I looked. She came to almost every single one of my cheerleading events and soccer games. She hugged and kissed me goodnight. We’d often stretch out on opposite ends of the couch taking Sunday afternoon naps or get comfy watching “Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman” and “The Sound of Music.” I never once doubted her love for me. I hope my kids will say the same.

3. Accumulate Moments Rather Than Stuff

Finances were tight. Sometimes we were on food stamps. Sometimes my mom borrowed money from family and friends to pay bills. Up until the time I was in 7th grade, we mostly shopped at thrift stores, or I wore hand me downs from older girls we knew. Many times, I was embarrassed by our lack. As a mom now, I’m sure she was too. I never got expensive birthday gifts but she made a big deal out of my birthday. There were always balloons and decorations on the kitchen table. She always sang Happy Birthday to me. Every. Single. Year. She’d make me a cake and do all she could to make me feel special. I loved all those little, meaningful, personal touches. And although I don’t have the same struggle with finances that she did, I find myself trying to come up with less expensive, more heartfelt celebrations for my own sons. I learned that resourcefulness and determination could go a lot further than money often does. Both of those qualities are two that she possessed, and I apparently picked up. I’m trying to teach my boys to enjoy moments more than things as well.

4. Do Your Best & Give God the Rest

She always told me, “I’m doing the best I can with what I have.” I will admit that I didn’t always think she was. However, as hard as I now think motherhood is, I have a loving husband who comes homes everyday and jumps right in with our boys. He helps with bedtime stories and dishes. I can sit and unload my frustrations on his listening ears. My mom didn’t have that. I wasn’t able to understand even a glimpse of what she must have dealt with until I had kids. Was her best enough? Is mine? Without God, that’s a scary question. None of us are perfect parents. Even my friends who I thought had perfect parents felt hurt by one thing or another growing up. One thing I know for sure, is that my mom prayed a lot for me through the years. I have no doubt that her prayers paid off. Where we come up short as parents, God’s grace seeps in if we’ll let it. He’ll direct and guide us if we open our hearts to Him. And thankfully He knows how to right a whole heap of wrongs!! Very refreshing for those of us who make mistakes! ;)

I’m thankful for the lessons my single mom taught me. Yes, there was dysfunction and brokenness, and yes I was affected by it. (Hence that awful teenage prayer). There were tough moments. But there were also many great moments. She was more successful as a mom than she realized. Despite all her imperfections, lessons were caught and learned. I didn’t get to tell her all these things, but I will cherish them, and do the best I can to live them out in my own mothering.

We can’t be perfect. Our kids probably are going to remember some of our less than finer moments. They might even say things sometimes that rip at our hearts, because they aren’t perfect either. But, here’s to all you Mamas out there! Keep doing your best. That really IS all we can do…..with each day that we have. And by the grace of God, our kids will learn valuable lessons from us as well. Happy Mother’s Day!